Oh My Goddard: January 2006

Oh My Goddard

Hi my name is Dick, I'm a Mecha-Meterologist, Hero to Canines, Cyborg Love Machine, Warrior Poet, Libra, Decorated War Vet, Singer/Songwriter, Statatician for the Cleveland Browns and All Around Bad Ass Mutha.

My Photo
Name:
Location: Cleveland, Ohio, United States

ask anybody

Friday, January 13, 2006

Haven't been getting enough Dick lately?


Well here I am, my little woolybears. Uncle Dick is back. I overheard some women in the the grocery store saying that she hasn't had enough Dick lately and I think that has something to do with this weblog. I also told her to just watch Fox 8 news and put her hand down her pants when the weather report comes on.
Kids, most times your uncle dick is cooler than the other side of the pillow. But, I just spent a bunch of time laid up in front of the tube. Long story short, I went to the Jiffy Lube (some people go to Starbucks - I go to the Lube...) for a little snack like I do everyday and asked the mongrel ape child working there for my usual synthetic blend, a 15w-40 no cream hold the sugar - Uncle Dickie's sweet enough. The dumb son of a whore switched it up and served me power steering fluid. I didn't injest that much but just enough to throw this Dick out of wack. I spit most of it in his mongrel face. He apologized and tried to offer me a free air filter. So, I asked for his name and accessed my data bases - wiped out all his family's bank accounts and registered him with the county as a sex offender. Not so short I guess but my circuits are a little fried. anyway to get to my point, watching so much television as I have lately I realized that hollywood owes me some money.
Those bastards have been ripping your Old Unckle Dick right the fuck off. For instance, Terminator. That movie is based on a drug induced rampage I went on back in the 60's. Short Circuit, is basically the biography of the love child I had when I got wasted one night and made love to an ATM machine. But by far the most blatent rip off has to be the movie Westwood.
Those fuckers didn't even have to write that movie. It seems like some one stole the transcripts from my court trial in Orlando. So what if Unckle Dickkie went a litttle crazy at Disney World. So some people got killed. You don't have to make a damn movie about it. I probably shouldn't have sworn off television when Sanford and Son went off the air, I would have known about this shit sooner. Christ, Yule Brenner? That bald jerk isn't qualified to shave my nuts. Fuck that guy. Well, my lawyer's on that shit. And when Dickkie gets paid he's going straight to hollywood to make a real movie - There's A High Pressure System In My Pants, The True Life Story of Dickkie G.